Thursday, July 22, 2010

art and love.



my blog has become an entity. i didn't have time to write yesterday,and i felt like i had let somebody down. a lot of art-makers fall in love with their art. an obsessive kind of love. i had a tempestuous romance with a painter who felt that way. we burned and melted and cooled, over and over for years. he told me i was easier to deal with on canvas...he said that way, when he was finished with me he could turn my face to the wall and walk away. he always walked away. i have often said what i remember most about him was the way he looked from behind. i don't miss him anymore, and i remember our good times more than our bad. i am free.

my art...not my lover, for sure. if it were so, i'd expect it to come to me instead of me to it, and then i'd resent it for always letting me down. when i'm alone with my thoughts, my hands, my sewing machine, my scissors and paper...it's almost inexplicable...there are so few things on this big green and blue orb that make me feel that way...

it's like...

kisses. not all of them. only the kisses with a man whose face i can't remember when he's away. maybe that has been my heart's way of saying what i won't...if you stay away too long i'll forget you.

it's like...

watching my dogs play. it's love. simple, sweet, absolutely unconditional love. the kind i grew up with. that's why i now have three dogs instead of two. joker was a foster at first. i
thought i could do it...always getting myself into messes when it comes to my heart. fostering is like asking me to love halfway. or not even halfway. the first time i thought of watching him in the back of someone else's car, leaving me, i was in tears. i'm not cut out for halfway-or-less love. so now i have three dogs. it will make my life infinitely more difficult. it will be worth it.




painting by nathaniel price. 2003.

2 comments:

  1. You're writing is like poetry...it is hard not to be drawn to it...

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