what is it with this imbalance life is doling out? people who try to do the right thing are supposed to be fulfilled, aren't they? no, no. i know better. "supposed to" should be removed from the lexicon. if we couldn't say that phrase anymore...well, nevermind. we'd simply find another way of saying it. humans are masters of circumvention. well, some of us. others give in, which is different – and i'd say, less productive – than giving up. put it this way: giving in to an unfulfilling job/romance/friendship/house/city/thought/anything = goodbye, options. i'd rather give up the old, create the new. scary and sacrificial as it may be. why do we treat metaphysical pain any differently than physical? if a feeling feels wrong, for a long time, then it's the wrong feeling. mend it. not all the parts of it, but the whole. or the hole. sew it up.
today, for the first time in my 42 months of shouldistayorshouldigo, i told myself that i am ready to give up on memphis. if need be, i mean. at this point i dare life or myself or the wind or the mailman to give me one good, it-is-definitely-worth-this-struggle reason to stay.
double dare. game on.