Thursday, September 2, 2010

what really matters.

lately, the social scene troubles me. it's the most present example of what really doesn't matter. the more i go out, the less i see of people knowing each other. i mean knowing as in caring about what moves another person's heart and mind. oh i hate that. i hate what i just wrote. it's so sappy and serious. that's no fun. what is fun anyway? as i've seen it manifest over the years, fun tends to be inextricable from a litany of dishonorable things people do to themselves and others. it stresses me out, trying to have fun. it shouldn't be that way.

this is one of the hardest things i've written about. every time i get this far, right in this very spot, i find myself filling up the white space with black letters spelling out all the things that really don't matter. if this blog entry were a painting, i'd have to be careful not to let the negative space take over. i'll think of the delete key as my tube of white. delete. delete. delete. until i see the vase and not the faces.

the things we spend most of our days fretting over and chasing aren't what really matter. someone once told me, "if it won't matter a year from now, then it doesn't matter now"...i like that, a lot. i think about it when i'm confused, which is often. my mom says she thinks both of her children spend too much time alone and the world around us has become an annoyance. maybe a little. i think she's worried for naught, though. i don't tell her, but i know well what matters now and what will still matter next year: family, friends, love, and dreams. without those, it's all a bunch of negative space.

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