Good Morning to Everyone Except Violent Men

This morning, my Twitter feed struck a nerve. Not the usual petty politics nerve but the legitimate kind. It was a news story about a man who had murdered his ex-wife and abducted their daughter. My thoughts began to mount up. Do I write about how hard it is to be a woman, knowing that fools will excuse male violence as something only cowards do? Indeed, they're cowards of some variety. But they're not the fringe.

When people say we live in a sick world, my instinct is to counter that: It’s not so bad. However, when it comes to being a woman, that “sick world” statement seems more fitting.

I did a little digging and came across stats that say around three women are murdered every day by a current or former partner. I have to ask: Is violence simply built into the male psyche?

I read an article in the New York Times Magazine a few days ago about a young woman who was murdered by her police officer husband because she was divorcing him. And then there’s the recent story of Eliza Fletcher in Memphis, murdered by a stranger because she was out running early in the morning.

These stories get to me. I’ve never been the victim of violence, but as a woman who has lived alone for most of her adult life and as the mother of boys, I’m deeply concerned about the safety of women.

When you look at the big picture of being a woman, merely existing is rife with challenges: periods, hormonal shifts, mammograms, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum depression, menopause, Pap smears, child rearing, unrealistic beauty standards. And the constant concern of male violence.

This is probably part of why I push back when men say women don’t have it that hard. You really have no idea.

As fathers do, mine has made a lasting impression. He has set the tone for what a "real man" is. My dad is a gentle man. That doesn't mean I grew up unaware that he had a cabinet full of guns. It doesn't mean that when a convicted sexual predator exposed himself to me and my friends, my dad didn't grab a club and go after him. It does mean that my father set the tone: Do no harm but take no shit. With that example burned deep into my psyche, I wrestle with the reality that so many men don't have the restraint and discernment of my father.

It's not a sick world. And then again, sometimes it is.